hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
