i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
