ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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