:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
