That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
