Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize