I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
