I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
