She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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