Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
