Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
