Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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