the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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