you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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