I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize