You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize