Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
