he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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