If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
