The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize