Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
