it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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