I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
