Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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