If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
