So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize