dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
