Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
