Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
