There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
