Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
