Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
