they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
