Someone shit on the floor
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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