i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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