then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
