Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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