I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
