let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
