I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
