I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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