Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
