come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
