just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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