why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
