It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
