I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
