I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize