i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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