This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
