I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
zippers are such a cool invention
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
