if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
