Whod you bang
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
