You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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