Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
