Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
