Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
