exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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