Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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