i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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