whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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