Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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