I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
