i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
