I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
