oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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