I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
