could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
