READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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