Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
