I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
