Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize