Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
