He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
