he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
