I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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