That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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