and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
