I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
