I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
