lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
