my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
