After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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