Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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