I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
