READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
