What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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