I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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