Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
