it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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