I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
