Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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