There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come see our sink grown plant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
