I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
