Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
