Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
