I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize