singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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