I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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