Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
