he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
