She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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