As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
