why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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