I can tuck mytits in my pants
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize