Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i barfeds in our rink
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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