I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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