You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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